Squirrely
by Warpath Grizzly
Summary: Ivan and Alfred are just getting prepared for a night all to themselves when a relic of the Cold War crops up...


**Squirrely**

By Blaklite

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"Do it."

The Russian looked up at him from his position, a warning in those indigo eyes. He replied sternly, "Alfred, no."

"I said, do it."

"Nyet." The Russian looked down once more, going back to his work on the buttons of the younger's pants.

"Ivan."

The larger man looked up again at the sound of such a serious tone coming from the other. But he would not waver. Looking wholly unimpressed and unconvinced, the Russian gazed impatiently into those Pacific blue eyes.

It was then that Alfred knew he wasn't going to win at this rate, and switched tactics. "Pleaaaaaaase?"

Oh God, not the whining…"I do not wish to participate in these infantile games with you, America."

"Come on, Ivan. Just this once?"

"You've said that every time, and every time I've done it, just for you. But this time, this is where I put my foot down."

"But…but…but…"

"No buts. And stop with the face, it makes it harder to berate you like the child you are."

But Alfred just kept pouting sadly, lower lip sticking out almost comically. Rolling his eyes and sighing, Ivan leaned forward and gently scraped his teeth over that bottom lip, fully entwining their mouths a moment later.

Pulling back as the kiss ended, the American smiled jovially. "So, you'll do it?"

"Nyet."

"Come on, you totally caved in there. That means I've won and now you gotta do it."

Ivan paused for a moment to breathe and collect himself. It was rude to punch your boyfriend in the face, after all. "Will you stop complaining if I do it?"

A vigorous nod, that wide, bright smile shining through. _Rub it in, you little weasel_, thought Ivan. Nevertheless, he cleared his throat dramatically for what he was about to do.

Pause for effect. Ivan smiled internally as he watched Alfred's eyes get bigger in anticipation. Al thought his heart was about to give out with all the suspense when finally…

"Today ees day, Natasha, vhen ve CRUSH moose and squi_rr_el."

For a second, America's face lit up brighter than New York City at night, and Ivan was just waiting for him to start clapping and telling him to do it again. But rather, something else happened that Russia was not expecting. Alfred's eyes dimmed with lust, his smile pulled back into a sensual smirk.

"Oh Boris, dollink, you're genius," the American said in a mock-Russian tone. Ivan blinked. Was Alfred…playing along? Whatever the case, he was looking more and more fuckable every second…

"Natasha, I get fiendish plan to capture moose and squi_rr_el," Ivan whispered against the other's lips.

Wrapping his arms around the Russian's neck, Alfred grinned before asking, "Vill eet be successful like ozer plans?"

Smirking at his boyfriend's sarcastic tone, the big Russian demanded gently, no malice in his voice, "Sharrup you mouth." The kiss that ensued was long and sweet, full of love and promise. It seemed like the couple would be taking an extended stay in heaven tonight, until…

"IMBECILES! Vhere are moose and squirrel?"

"Fearless Leader!" the two on the couch cried out, tumbling to the floor in a panicked heap. At the sound of the tell-tale 'kesesese', the pair looked up to see Prussia leaning against the back of the couch. He looked down on them with his classic shit-eating grin. Alfred couldn't help but smile and laugh as well.

"Hokey smoke, Gilbert," Alfred declared, switching back to his classic American accent. "Where'd you come from?" He looked expectantly at Ivan with that megawatt smile…

Only to get a face-full of fist a moment later. Well, so much for being polite.

"No," Ivan said firmly. "I am _not_ being the moose."

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A Note From Blaklite: For anyone (which is probably most of you) that does not understand what just happened, this fanfic is heavily based on and dedicated to the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. For those of you who do know, I hope I did justice on bringing back some part of those beloved cartoon characters. Either way, I hope that everyone got a little chuckle out of this.

In my opinion, the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is proof that good things can come out of war, no matter how small or propaganda-like. It's cartoons like these that keep the child in all of us alive so that we never lose sight of having fun.


End file.
